Poem: Hamburgers

A satirical poem by Arthur Meursault

Ed: This is a parody of Calvin Trillin’s poem about Chinese food Have They Run Out Of Provinces Yet?, which is also funny and worth reading. Arthur’s poem looks at it from the Chinese perspective …

Have they run out of hamburgers yet?

Or is it as endless as their debt?

McDonalds came with Big Macs and fries,

Soon even Zhengzhou had a franchise.

Next came along old Colonel Sanders,

Pushed new stores through Party back-handers.

Everyone flocked to eat their Zingers,

The spice had all licking their fingers.

Burger King was entry number three,

Pushing aside even KFC.

Then Hunan, the birth province of Mao,

Even they loved to eat Han Bao Bao.

So much fast food out to ruin ya,

And here’s one more: fucking Carl’s Junior.

China was full of burger trendies,

Hoping for Taco Bell and Wendy’s.

Home-grown Dico’s was classed as shitty,

Never growing beyond Tier-3 city.

As the burger chains gain in vigour,

Chinese waistlines seem to get bigger.

The French fries, mayo and burger grease,

Combine to make China more obese.

We need to enforce stronger treaties,

To stop this laowai diabetes.

Close down their sites on the internet,

That’s how we deal with a foreign threat.

Do they have McDonalds in Tibet?

Have they run out of hamburgers yet?

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Arthur Meursault is a long-term Asia expat who once lived in JG Ballard's POW cell in Shanghai. He sarcastically blogs about various nonsense at www.arthurmeursault.com and is the author of the upcoming book Party Members